I’ve Become Myself After Reading Michelle Obama’s Memoir and Left My Post-Grad Job
It feels like yesterday that I graduated from Syracuse University, moved to New York City, and started my fellowship program. I was literally beaming with pride — so happy and content with all of my plans finally coming into place. However, NYC isn’t all rainbow and butterflies. In fact, I was hit with a rude awakening just weeks after my move, after the honeymoon period of weekly brunches and nights out at the bar began to fade.
Soon after, I began my job as a fellow at a public relations firm my mom used to work for back in the late ’80s. I started off doing small assignments and wanted to get experience helping various teams and colleagues (I was assigned to the consumer marketing team). Although it wasn’t my college major, I thought I’d like public relations, since I had the requisite skills and the extracurricular experience. However, I wasn’t engaging with others and I felt like an outsider since I wasn’t able to attend pricey workout classes, get $15 Cava and Dig Inn salads, or spend my Monday nights watching The Bachelor. I also was always embarrassed because of my living situation, since I lived with another family, a nurse, and a drug dealer. I did not know the nurse or drug dealer very well and they were barely at the apartment. Every night, I’d come home to say hello to my roommate, her kids, and her husband (sometimes he wasn’t there) and go straight to my room. I also wasn’t allowed to use the kitchen to cook meals because the family didn’t like the smell of American food.
Then, in mid-September, reality kicked in. I spoke with my manager, and she told me that there was a good chance I wouldn’t get hired on full-time. The words felt like bullets to my head. Distressed, confused, and overwhelmed, I tried to make things work by moving out of my old place and into a new one in Midtown while I continued to work at the public relations firm. Perhaps it was my mom who realized just how distraught I was before even I did — she knew from the tone of my voice that something was off and would always ask me on our phone calls.
In mid-October, my supervisor wanted to do a check-in to see how things were going with work. The conversation led to a back-and-forth discussion about my progress in the fellowship program. After our conversation, I had to make a decision: I could either continue to be miserable at my current position, or, take a risk and try and find another opportunity (I had nothing lined up). I was reflecting back from the prior conversations and dealing with workplace bullying. One associate gave me a glue stick and another coworker then said: “well, now you can glue your life back together!” Then, the same coworker asked me what types of food I ate because they didn’t understand that I was new to the city and wasn’t eating the same foods they were. Soon after, it felt like everyone would just stare and laugh at me with my “unusual” lunch choices. Some days, the coworker started to be nice to me when we were alone, however, once we were in a group dynamic, that all changed. I was the only man of color on the team and I felt like a total outsider. I also felt like my work was undervalued and uncredited. Eventually, I decided to put in my two weeks’ notice. It was terrifying, but I knew for my own wellbeing that leaving the firm was the best decision I could make for my health.
There was a coworker who sat in the same spot as me and had to deal with the same situation I was in. I became friends with the coworker, and we bonded over everything possible. Those two weeks were super suspenseful: I didn’t tell almost any of my coworkers that I was leaving, and I was just waiting for them to find out and was nervous as to how they’d react. On my last day, my supervisor sent me a generic thank you email and told me to leave by 2PM.
After I left for the very last time, you could say I was like Andy Sachs passing the glass building in The Devil Wears Prada: Smiley, giddy and basking in my newfound independence. The problem? I had no job, and, like any young New Yorker, I had bills to pay.
Separation, anxiety, and stress consumed my body for these past months as I applied to hundreds of full-time jobs across all fields. I began crying myself to sleep, allowing negative thoughts to consume my head, going on interviews, spending way too much money — more than I could possibly afford as an unemployed 20-something — was too much for my mind, body, and soul. To cheer myself up, I purchased Michelle Obama’s Becoming as I traveled home for the holidays.
Michelle is a true goddess and I’ve worshiped her since her days as FLOTUS. And although this book was written for millions of people to read, I can honestly say it felt like she was writing to me on a personal level. Her words touched my heart and my soul poignantly, and it felt like I actually *knew* her.
I couldn’t put it down after reading the first page of the book. It felt like my mom was giving me life advice about success, trials, and tribulation. Michelle was speaking to me as I looked up the sky and prayed to God. The clouds in the sky coming together, giving me a sign to let everything fall into place, and letting go of the pain. I paused to meditate in the living room for five minutes. After my meditation, I highlighted some quotes that I read every day.
A few of favorite quotes from the book are:
“It was one thing to get yourself out of a stuck place, I realized. It was another thing entirely to try and get the place itself unstuck.”
“Success isn’t about how your life looks to others. It’s about how it feels to you. We realized that being successful isn’t about being impressive, it’s about being inspired. That’s what it means to be true to yourself.”
“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.” “Don’t ever make decisions based on fear. Make decisions based on hope and possibility. Make decisions based on what should happen, not what shouldn’t.”
These quotes made me realize that I need to be in a place where I belong, get myself out of a bad situation, and never let fear take over me. I realized I worked uncomfortably at a firm where my ideas and suggestions were not heard, instead, I was put off to the ‘unwanted’ side. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from Mrs. Obama’s book is that everyone has their own story, and it’s important that we share our respective journeys with each other. In fact, we need to become ourselves instead of transforming our personas into something we’re not in an attempt to impress people. I didn’t major in public relations, nor do I eat fancy salads or go to expensive workout classes on the regular. Instead, I am a writer who loves himself unconditionally, eat $5 salads with no dressing on it (don’t judge!), go to an affordable gym for my own health and well-being, and does not watch The Bachelor (sorry, not sorry!). It wasn’t until after I finished the book that I realized my experience at the public relations firm was truly toxic, and it was hindering me from becoming, well… me. Even writing this is a form of closure that’s helping me to move forward, even though the path is uncertain.
To this day, I am grateful for the person I become and acknowledge the fact that I am who I am: A writer with a voice and a story or two to tell. For anyone out there who is experiencing the same thing, don’t allow that one negative coworker or team stop, peer pressure, intimidate or taken advantage of you for being who you are. God does not like ugly and they will face karma for what they did to you.
Source:
Michelle Obama, Becoming
