I’m a Millennial and I Wish There Were No Dating Apps
I’ve never been on a date. This is something people do not know about me. People assume that when they first meet me, they would think I’m experienced with dating, but I never had an intimate relationship with someone, nor have I ever said “I love you” to someone.
This is because dating is hard. You’re meeting a person, trying to make small talk, and hoping the conversation can lead to a long-term relationship. You start off as friends and when friendships grow, you develop feelings for that person. But the way in how we communicate is through technology, especially dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Grindr, Scruff, and many others.
Dating apps are social apocalypse. They help people who have trouble finding the perfect match. When people go on dating apps, they create a profile and select qualities and values they’re looking for in a person, swiping their profiles left and right. I think this affects people’s perception of how they see true love.
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I always wanted a relationship like how my parents have it. My dad first spotted my mom while walking home from work in the early 80s. He knew my mom’s cousin, Lee Roy, and dad asked if he could meet her. When my dad asked her out on a date, he knew she was the one. He took her out and had his mom with them. They’ve been together, through thick and thin, raising two kids, and still have the same love as they did before. Their actions for their love for each other speaks louder than words. The way my dad looks at my mom is the exact love I want. The level of protection he is of her from back pain, especially her spondylosis, when she suffers walking long distances, getting to her next doctor’s appointment, and helping around the house. My dad got a card for my mom for their anniversary and wrote a note saying every day feels like a first date with my mom.
This is an example of true love. The example of true love millennials see is movies like To All The Boys I Loved Before, Love, Simon, The Perfect Date, Set It Up, Call Me By Your Name, and A Cinderella Story. These are good movies, but not movies like Autumn in New York, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Dying Young, Brokeback Mountain, West Side Story, and many others. They fell in love through human interaction rather than technology.
With dating apps these days, it’s a hit or miss. People from a nearby location or far away can swipe left or right on you. A person will like you when someone swipes right on you, but if they don’t like you, they swipe left. It’s emotionally draining when you try to put yourself out there and nothing works out. There were many times I liked someone and would tell them, but a majority of them see me as a close friend or “brother”. The purpose of dating apps is to give you many options that you can choose from and then allows you to navigate before actually talking to a person. However, there are too many options and people could get bored easily. I know this from personal experience. I had several friends who had dating apps and matched with many people, but they don’t go after the people they match with. A colleague uses Hinge and Tinder to meet new guys, go on endless dates, and have sex with them. Another constantly tells me that they’re desperate for a boyfriend, but when they meet guys off dating apps and potentially likes them, they’ll go after someone else after a one-night stand.
There are many advantages and disadvantages when people use dating apps, especially when they’re using apps to go on dates. Some dates can last for hours if the conversation is non-stop, but people don’t know the mindset of the person they’re on a date with, especially when you communicate with them from the dating app. One gym member spoke to me about her date with a guy through Hinge. She realized that after the date, the guy ghosted and unmatched her without no explanation. This affected her self-esteem and she took a break from dating apps, then weeks later, came back to the dating apps.
Millennials tend to go in a moment deleting everything that traces back to that troubled moment they endured. It’s an adrenaline rush fuming with anger. After doing that, they go on their social media scrolling through their friends' posts and refreshing their pages. They will do this for a good twenty minutes or so. This moment happens when something doesn’t go as planned for millennials, especially when they’re looking for a one-night stand.
Millennials go to dating apps to get a one-night stand. Some do not want to go on dates; they rather find someone attractive, exchange numbers, message to meet at one place, and do the dirty in the bedroom. This doesn’t happen to a lot of millennials; but, there’s a majority of people in their late 30’s, 40’s or even older who use dating apps to get with someone. You would think only millennials use dating apps, but there’s a majority of the older generation who use dating apps when their relationships or marriages failed and they’re trying to get their groove back. The hookup culture is affiliated with dating apps and it’s changing by the way in how we communicate, romanticize, and sexualize with others. The thing with dating apps and the hookup culture is that we are treated like we’re options to people, but instead, we need to be treated as priorities. Dating apps give the impression for people to think that they can talk to people in any type of way. This is because, for many people, they turn to social media or technology to emotionally break a person by creating negative comments. This term, cyber-bullying, happens in social media and dating apps. There are many effects of cyber-bullying, which in most cases, people turn to suicidal thoughts or dark feelings develop over time. I know this happens to a lot of people because it happened to me. I was bullied on Facebook and people ostracized me when I was in middle school. It’s hard for anyone to go through this experience of people using dating apps to meet new people rather than getting attacked or humiliated.
According to the Atlantic article, author Julie Beck explained that it’s different for everyone when they use dating apps. “Results can vary depending on what it is people want — to hook up or have casual sex, to date casually, or to date as a way of actively looking for a relationship,” Beck said. I would say it varies for millennials to date and find relationships, especially if you’re in New York City. If you’re in the city, it’s hard to date and find relationships, but it’s always great to socialize with people. Some millennials think going to the bars will guarantee them a relationship, but it’s only to hookup. I know this from personal experience. I have several friends who go out to the bars and get with someone that night. Some would go to bars that are for post-graduates and meet people like them. It’s much harder to expect when everyone wants something different and think dating apps can get them a relationship.
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I had every dating app you could possibly think of: Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid to name a few. They’re all the same: you’re creating an account by using your Facebook login, creating a profile for yourself, and seeing how everything goes. People start messaging you, letting you know they’re interested in you, and then you hope the conversation goes further. This can lead them to ask you on a date. If the date goes well, something may happen further. They might expect something in return or maybe a kiss or doing the dirty.
This wasn’t the case for me. I wanted to meet new people when I first moved to the city. I downloaded dating apps for this specific reason and to see if there was a match, maybe I could start a serious relationship because I never dated or been on a date. I wanted to not rush things. However, things got out of control when they were demanding me to go on a date and hook up with them. Don’t get me wrong, I still use dating apps to meet new people and build relationships, but how my girls and I put it, they are “DTF apps.” This is not everyone’s intention when they use dating apps.
According to an Elite Daily article, a couple met on JSwipe and made their relationship official in one week. “Lauren Dana, 21, and Zach Ellman, 26, met on JSwipe just under two years ago, back when she was on summer break from Syracuse and he was working as a personal assistant for a celebrity. After a pre-date FaceTime, they met for drinks in New York City and quickly fell for each other,” Orenstein wrote. “Lauren and Zach hope to get engaged soon, and dream of getting a dog together someday.” When we see our friends or people fall in love when they meet on a dating app, we wish that this could happen to us. But the reality of that is we cannot compare ourselves to other people, when something happens for someone, then it happens for them. Something will happen for us, it just takes time. I am not rushing to date anyone anytime soon because I’m still learning and want the relationship like how my parents have it by human interaction rather than a dating app.
